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Tuesday, March 11, 2003


Ahhh im so confused about relationships right now...Like not even just the Darrin thing but the fact of me EVER finding a decent guy is like 1 in a trillion-million-billion... Like When i do find a decent guy he's either taken, or doesn't want anything.. And im so sick of it... Maybe I'm trying to hard.. I mean I am only 16.. I've got plenty of years ahead of me to find a "decent" guy.. But dammit.. >_< All the one's I really really like...Things just don't work out the way that I want them to.. Even with darrin.. I didn't want to become bitter ex's with him..That was the LAST thing that I wanted.. But the fact that he hurt me so bad..And now he's all "har har I don't care, lets be friends.." Just...hurt me..And pisses me off... and kristi does not like to be pissed off at all...When I'm pissed off I really get pissed off..and I can hold a grudge forever..But oh well.. I don't care.. .I guess I just gotta learn my lesson about dating immature-moronic-asswhipes...I think thats a lesson that everyone needs to learn at some time or another....AHhh..Okay I havnt seen kelley yet..But dammit..Im gonna...I can't wait.. I just want to hang with her and amy, maybe jenny in ithaca..And just..I don't know.. be myself, be like old times.. :) LoL Melody isnt here today >_< WHERE THE FUCK ARE U!? I read her blog, even though its REALLY messed up right now.. LoL.. And well.... o_O I don't feel good about her chances of moving and staying :( But.. I mean it wont be her fault if she moves..And I'll still be her friend..No matter what.. gotta love melsodies... s-ve is just gonna suck even more w/o her... ERGH.. Time for krispi to make new friends...All the people around here are either dumb-ass stoners..Or retarded preps...I dunno... Its our lunch time..Oh, I lost some weight! =-o I got tested for scholiosis (sp) today..and since, i dunno the last time i was weighed i think I lost 10 pounds..Thats still not enough..damn, I need to lose MORE!! >.< Diets fucking suck.. losing weight sucks.. but..whatever..Im not all that concerned about it right now....Theres more important things for me to worry about... *sigh*

Ah last night..I was watching mtv, on the isreali, palestine people things..and I just feel so so so bad for them.. Really bad... I wish I could like do something to help them.. It's not right that they constantly have to live in war... I dunno.. I hate war... >_< I'm totally against it... I mean..it should be a last resort.. Not a first.. -_-

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 11:36 AM


Monday, March 10, 2003


Ahh okay I havnt posted in here since.. uhh satuday..But yeah..I've been partly busy..But mostly Lazy... Sat. I did go to the movies with chris..We went to mano's and met up with my gurl amy too.. I love my friends :) Chris is awsome, I'll say that once again..I mean theres actually a GUY out there that can open his mouth and SAY SOMETHING MEANINGFUL! :-o LoL its amazing..But uh..yeah I made crappy poster boards for the friend that died, because I had absolutely no motivation or creativity...And blah blah.. I saw Gary..we kind-of talked for a while.. I kind-of miss him..And I kind-of wish we were better friends...eh, Maybe someday..But Gary can't open up worth shit..and if a guy can't open up..Then It makes any relationship-platonic or romantic..hard as fuck....Oh well.. KELLEY IS HOOOMEEEE!!! w00t w00t!! I can't wait to see her.. I think I might just jump up and down with excitment..and do the little happy-rachel dance ;)
Today I've been really..Like... "I don't care about you, so don't fuck with me" Type of attitude...I kinda bitched at this kid for doing something that I have no clue whether he did it or not, but I guess the fact that he COULD have done it....yeah..well..Im young.. I can be abnoctious-irrational-and bitchy as much as I want..Whether people like me or not.. I don't give a fuck anymore.. I know who my TRUE Friends are.. I know that for the most part, THEY UNDERSTAND me..And Thats ALL That matters!! and if anyone else is worth being my friend they will understand me too :D .. Unlike the stupid dumbass-bitches-and bastards of s-ve.. Theres only a few people here WORTH getting to know.. But I guess everyone deserves a chance..theres stupid people everywhere.. *cough*NICHOLS*cough*CANDOR*cough*HORSEHEADS*cough*EVERYWHERE* Im just so so so sick of trying to be someone else...Im sick of people judging me.. Im sick of CARING what other people (WHOM ARENT MY FRIENDS), think about me.. Why do they care what I wear, what I look like, How I act, or how I think?? I mean..If theyre not my friends..They don't matter..And if they are my friends..They wont care... They'll care about things that actually DO matter... I have no clue what im saying.. but im really bored..So im just rambling... I dont know.. I'm not gonna let society push me down anymore.. i'm gonna be who ever the fuck I want to be..no matter WHO LIKES IT OR NOT!! if I want my hair fucking black, purple, spikey, long..Its GONNA BE! If I want to be rude-crude-and abnoctious-, Or shy, weird, and funny... then I'm GONNA BE THOSE TOO!!! IF I WANT TO BE A PALE SKINNED FREAK, THEN DAMMIT IM GONNA BE THAT TOO! ( sorry, had to add that in) I mean..I don't know...theres too many people to worry about in this world, and try to fit the mold that society and markets place as "the perfect girl".. It's just not gonna happen.. And life is too short... :) And im sure I'll live alot happier..If I stop worrying about how fat I look, or how my hair looks every second..Theres bettter things to do... And today anymore..Freak is a kick-ass word! ;) yesh..okay..im satisfyed now...

"You laugh because im different..I laugh because your all the same..."

posted by =*=ThE*KRisP=*= at 4:57 PM